chewed myself numb

Today’s New York Times had an interesting article about which cars are gay. I liked the Subaru Outback or in the lingo of me and my sisters the Lesbaru. It turns out that not only am I gay, I’m also a lesbian. I don’t date anymore because I’m married (oh god, my wife, what will I tell my wife?) but when I was an eligible lesbian I must have been an idiot not to recognize the fact that roomy = lesbian. All those flouncy loose shirt...it was so obvious.

Considering I don’t even own a car should I be labeled completely in the closet or perhaps bisexual or even bicurious? When will I make a choice and stop hiding in my asexual pedestrian closet? There is so much of life that I am missing out on.

My second choice on the gay car list is the Volkswagon New Beatle. Now, buying this car would classify me “gay” in the man-on-man way and would force me to hand in all my plaid shirts.

Now since I don’t own a car I am wondering if I can configure my gender in a non-motorized way. In other words, I need to compile a list of goods that I buy/use/consume that can let me know where to put my tongue tonight. For this I will need your help in compiling my top ten gender defining consumable goods list:

What is the gayest cocktail (you know, the minute you even use the word cock-tail you’ve defined yourself)?

What is the gayest Pizza Topping?

What is the gayest Laptop Computer?

And of course

What is the gayest bank and/or bank machine?

Thank you for all your help and remember that the rainbow is everywhere.

Hala to my sistah’s

mk