chewed myself numb

I wonder about what kind of a writer I am and if, in fact, I can actually wear that label without sounding like a total hypocrite. My spelling is awful, grammar too. Jesus, I will use a semi-colon just ‘cause I think it looks pretty. I have never had anything published. I have only had one script, in my entire life, produced and even though I am currently in development with a network on a series, I feel, on a daily level, I write about as little as humanly possible. I rarely explore my own thoughts beyond “what is the soup of the day today?”. So, all that being said, how do I claim the mantle of writer? And how can I sit at my desk, reading scripts of other people’s work that is being produced and be so critical of it? How and what, in my experience and daily practice, puts me in a position to judge. Fucked, if I know. Seriously fucked. But man, some of the dreck which comes across my desk my makes me want to jab a pencil through my eye.

I am currently in development hell. I have a series that has been in development now for over a year. A lot of network money has been spent. Scripts have been written. Offers have gone out to creative types to sign on board. Now, we wait…and wait….and wait… It fells like its going to get a green light but I tell you, I am overwhelmed with doubts. And one of my biggest fears? What if it does get made and it’s crap? What if it’s as bad as all the other pencil-inducing-stabbing scripts that have come across my desk in the last few years? What if I am as big a hypocrite and faker as I fear?

# posted by mmm mmm good : 9:22 AM